As human beings created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27, 5:1), we derive our identity, our joy, our reason for living from Him, Coram Deo, which means to live in the presence of or before the face of God. When we understand His delight in us, it changes how we see ourselves. The challenge is how we as therapists can help our clients experience God and His delight when He is invisible? In the New Testament, Paul shares an interesting prayer In Ephesians 3:14-19:

...that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

For Paul the context in which they will understand God’s love and be filled with all His fullness is “with all the saints” - in relationships. The biblical story presents a communal God, three persons in one (Father, Son, and Spirit), not a lonely God. As creatures made in His likeness, we were then designed to be communal also - to connect with God and others (John 17:20-26). God’s delight is to bring us into the harmony and unity of His glorious divine community. Alone we can not reflect His patience, love, forgiveness, smile, and His delight. We communicate what He is like when we mirror these characteristics to one another - when others see the changes that His glorious life-transforming presence produces in us.

Dr. Henry Cloud in his book, The Power of the Other, confirms God’s design. He writes, “A team of researchers had ‘factor analyzed’ all of the different (psychological) treatment outcomes in order to understand what it was that produced change, growth, and healing in a person.” The conclusion: “It’s the relationship. What actually brings about change in people, and the cure, is the relationship between the psychologist and the client.” But, he adds, it needs to be the right kind of relationship; “it must deliver very specific constructive experiences and encode very specific information within the brains of those in relationship.” There is an important interplay between our brains, our relationships, and our minds, but it is “qualitative relational connectedness” that is key in affecting our bodies, brains, and our mind’s abilities as well.

So, as therapists, our relationship and connectedness with our clients is paramount. In this month’s tool, we use Cloud’s research which highlights four different kinds of connectedness.